It's me here in Laguna. To lay my back once again and take a long rest from a busy week schedule that passed. it's day five of the course. We just finished our evaluation day. It's been a long week for me and for the others. It might be tiring, mind boggling, and trembling but all the while it is inspiring and fun. It has been a long time since I was inspired by a woman intellectually. The last time was in 2007 when I was still under the tutelage of Ma'am Nikki. Yet, my English instructor is just half the age of Ma'am Nikki. She's extraordinaire. Reaching this far at an early age. I can't help but envy her most of the time because we are just in the same age bracket and look where she is now and where am I. I'm her student, she my teacher. Now I am more enforced to imagine what if I immediately looked for a job after graduation. I could have had a car already or i could have married Faye last year or this year with enough money to realize her dream wedding. Not like this.
"Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid."
Now this lines from Invictus is becoming more meaningful to me. There are so many plans. There are so many uncertainties. There seem to be more shades of clouds on my way to finish line but I will make all those things my inspiration. Not to mention those persons who believe in me and a lending their hands now to help me. I will draw courage from them. My supportive Mom. My ever reliable best-friend [yes even in financial matters], my cute little ones {Trish, Alen, Santi and Galan], and the learning experiences I had from the sages [Sir Peter, Mr. Tubaña, Ma'am Nikki and Sir Arwin]. Perhaps, in the coming days i will draw more inspiration from my instructor. Given ample time, when she reach Ma'am Nikki's age, she might be able to outdo the CCP-PAD Primadonna.
The city is becoming my new home. My team mates now becoming the new set of friends. It used to be Rand, but Seph is now becoming my new clown. Uncertainties becoming my new hopes. Sometimes i'm afraid to ask myself so I'll just ask God. Where will the money for the rest of the program come from? Will I be present during the August long weekend feast? Will I be able to make it to the company? All these become hanging questions now. I resolve to just enjoy the days to come and accept whatever decision that may affect me. All with open arms and a hopeful spirit. Whatever happens I'll make sure I turn out to be a better person.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
New Discoveries About Me
It's when you are challenged by the detours that your true character is tested.
I am embarking on a new journey. Loads are becoming heavier and familiar faces suddenly would disappear. Schedules which were too comfortable are soon to be depleted. I am not doomed, I am stretching a horizon. I am nervous, yes, but more eager than nervous. It is when you're looking at the same sun but on another floor of the house, on another side of the field.
Tuesday, I decided to give it all my guts and be in Manila to do what I must have done three years ago. It makes me sad that every Sunday now I WOULDN'T be able to see my unclaimed son as he sat a pew away from mine. It's quite unlucky that even breakfasts, lunches and dinners will now move away from where they were fixed in my clock. It's sad though that I wouldn't be able to comment to Jus' and Trish's status every single second of the day. Well, it is the new life. For whatever it's worth, I wouldn't be on my way up if I don't do this now. So better make use of this time for enjoying the preparation than use tomorrows fortune in fixing what was broken.
I am meeting new friends. I am learning new skills. I am familiarizing new avenues. Aren't they enough reasons to be grateful for despite the troubles that I am giving up for myself now?
And if I miss portion's of my favorite TV series, aren't the previous ones which I finished conclusively enough to suffice the lack? If I cannot be present where there are occasions to fulfill weren't I showed up in JanJan's wedding last Saturday to complete my bliss? If I won't have the chance now to meet Sheldon, Lorraine, Martee, Alen and my unclaimed son quite often or permanently, isn't this mess all for the future of my true sons and daughters? Or for the future bonding hang outs which I will have with them in the next next years to come?
A change in my environment doesn't necessarily mean a change in my entirety. I will still love the same persons and I will still value the same items and ideas. I will still be the person that I AM. Only that I am innovating my persona to becoming the better version you will ever find. I will not try to surpass my Master--- Mr. Tubaña's is too large a shoe to fill. I will not try to surpass him because I CANNOT. I will simply improve myself in the way enough for my proteges and future children to be proud of me.
I'm doing this for them, but mainly for me. I Should make it up for myself for all the times I wasted in hovering in Lara Faye's shadow. Who knows, in the end it may turn out like I did this for her.
I am embarking on a new journey. Loads are becoming heavier and familiar faces suddenly would disappear. Schedules which were too comfortable are soon to be depleted. I am not doomed, I am stretching a horizon. I am nervous, yes, but more eager than nervous. It is when you're looking at the same sun but on another floor of the house, on another side of the field.
Tuesday, I decided to give it all my guts and be in Manila to do what I must have done three years ago. It makes me sad that every Sunday now I WOULDN'T be able to see my unclaimed son as he sat a pew away from mine. It's quite unlucky that even breakfasts, lunches and dinners will now move away from where they were fixed in my clock. It's sad though that I wouldn't be able to comment to Jus' and Trish's status every single second of the day. Well, it is the new life. For whatever it's worth, I wouldn't be on my way up if I don't do this now. So better make use of this time for enjoying the preparation than use tomorrows fortune in fixing what was broken.
I am meeting new friends. I am learning new skills. I am familiarizing new avenues. Aren't they enough reasons to be grateful for despite the troubles that I am giving up for myself now?
And if I miss portion's of my favorite TV series, aren't the previous ones which I finished conclusively enough to suffice the lack? If I cannot be present where there are occasions to fulfill weren't I showed up in JanJan's wedding last Saturday to complete my bliss? If I won't have the chance now to meet Sheldon, Lorraine, Martee, Alen and my unclaimed son quite often or permanently, isn't this mess all for the future of my true sons and daughters? Or for the future bonding hang outs which I will have with them in the next next years to come?
A change in my environment doesn't necessarily mean a change in my entirety. I will still love the same persons and I will still value the same items and ideas. I will still be the person that I AM. Only that I am innovating my persona to becoming the better version you will ever find. I will not try to surpass my Master--- Mr. Tubaña's is too large a shoe to fill. I will not try to surpass him because I CANNOT. I will simply improve myself in the way enough for my proteges and future children to be proud of me.
I'm doing this for them, but mainly for me. I Should make it up for myself for all the times I wasted in hovering in Lara Faye's shadow. Who knows, in the end it may turn out like I did this for her.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Reign Beyond Sunshine
Humming happy birthday tune to Arthel as she turns a year older.
Ron Ron and his room mate just walked out from the house after a late night visit.
The soil recovering from the afternoon rain.
The drunkards dancing their way out from Banago highways.
You reading this.
Me contemplating before I sleep.
It's the most magical day of July. At least that's what I learned after ten years of gracing this date with planned parties and unreasonable occasions. You will always remember your first conversation with the one you love. You always try to relive whatever happiness you experienced out of that blessing.
I try reprinting some old notes, tried even to re-frame old photos. I tried singing old songs as old as ten. None will turn back the hands of time to relive the moment. I decided to go on and make new moments. Making new history is fun. You cannot be stucked with the old one. With the old brand new you.
If last year we had the Philpop finals night and David Cook's Concert in Manila, this year we lost a personality. Cory Monteith just died in his hotel room in Vancouver at least the breaking news of today. Aside from the fact that I am supposed to write about my July 14 experiences in the past, I can't remember any of newsworthy items for today. Only that, I so love being alive today.
Hopeful? Yes I am. It may not be a great day to rejoice after ten years but still a magical one. Next Saturday would be another D day.
Ron Ron and his room mate just walked out from the house after a late night visit.
The soil recovering from the afternoon rain.
The drunkards dancing their way out from Banago highways.
You reading this.
Me contemplating before I sleep.
It's the most magical day of July. At least that's what I learned after ten years of gracing this date with planned parties and unreasonable occasions. You will always remember your first conversation with the one you love. You always try to relive whatever happiness you experienced out of that blessing.
I try reprinting some old notes, tried even to re-frame old photos. I tried singing old songs as old as ten. None will turn back the hands of time to relive the moment. I decided to go on and make new moments. Making new history is fun. You cannot be stucked with the old one. With the old brand new you.
If last year we had the Philpop finals night and David Cook's Concert in Manila, this year we lost a personality. Cory Monteith just died in his hotel room in Vancouver at least the breaking news of today. Aside from the fact that I am supposed to write about my July 14 experiences in the past, I can't remember any of newsworthy items for today. Only that, I so love being alive today.
Hopeful? Yes I am. It may not be a great day to rejoice after ten years but still a magical one. Next Saturday would be another D day.
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